Crawling back to normal…
Grief is a funny thing. It’s so complex and sneaks up on you in the weirdest moments. I thought I’d gone through my tough times years ago when I lost my partner but I guess life wasn’t done fucking with me. It’s ok though. Even though I wasn’t sure we’d come out of it, we did. Minus a few dearly beloved family members but we’re slowly crawling back to normal. We’re changed though, by what we saw and went through.
I’m humbled and awed by the support I’ve received. It’s so incredibly hard to respond at times so please know it’s not that I don’t appreciate the letters, emails, replies, texts, and messages. Sometimes all you can do is read them and know you’re not alone. But it’s hard to respond when you think about what to say. I stayed strong for the most part but after things settled down it’s when the wave of emotion really hit. When it’s safe and ok to break down.
Anyway I don’t really want to depress anyone and it’s a new year with supposedly all better things. So onto the books!
I’m trying to get back into reading. I haven’t picked up a book in so long that I started re-reading old favorites of any genre. This helps but I’m itching for something new. Of course that also means that I start a new book and can’t stand it within 30 pages and pitch it. My tolerance and willingness to give books a chance right now is pretty low. That will come around so in the meantime I have to be more selective about my choices.
In the past I would choose books totally at random. Lots of readers say they’re careful in their choices but not me. I routinely chose books based on cover art alone, author name, and random details. Such as I wanted to read a contemporary book so I would choose a book at random from DSP that was contemporary. As you can imagine this has not always been successful and I’ve learned to stay away from new authors from certain publishers. But I still would most likely read the new offerings from Loose Id or Samhain, though I kind of stay away from the latter these days. This means I may actually *deep breath* have to read friggin excerpts.
What is the world coming to!
Unless of course people just want to do my work for me and tell me which are the good books lately. *hint* (I learned that trick from Kris)
Anyway what I really want to say is thank you all for the support. I really don’t have enough words to say how invaluable it’s been. I’m slowly crawling my way out of a deep, deep, dark hole but I do see normalcy ahead. Or what I’m coming to think of as the new normal.
Funny enough some things don’t change in this insane community and that’s almost a comfort knowing there is a clusterfuck somewhere.