I choose this book to read and it came in email all shiny at a sparkly 92 pages. Upon looking it’s actually 75 pages with a bunch of excerpts from other books and the etc pages. Now, I’ve only read 5 pages of this book and I’m already struggling. In the first 5 pages I’ve already identified a plot hole (perhaps to be filled later) and the writing is annoying me. But maybe I’m wrong. Here are the things right off the bat that are just not helping.
Brief summary is this is a futuristic sci-fi setting where a placid farmer rescues an injured rebel pilot and they have a lot of sex. Perhaps there is more to the plot but yanno it’s probably something like that.
First is this statement:
Marr recognized the bird as a rebel plane, probably shot down. The Intergalactic War was coming too close to home. Occupied Theon was the new battleground for the resistance fighters, and he wanted no part of the violence and destruction they brought with them.
Marr glanced at the deflated chute in the branches above and paused, frozen in indecision. The breeze blew, the birds still called to one another, but the peaceful morning had been blown apart. If he waited here with the injured rebel until the Tandus arrived, maybe even called on his communicator and gave the exact location, he could return to normal life. A few hours of debriefing and he’d be planting his spring crops by afternoon.
The Intergalactic Forces of the Tandus had occupied Theon for almost two years and Marr hadn’t noticed much change in daily life. If anything, things ran more smoothly. But as an occupied planet, Theon owed allegiance to the rebel forces from across the galaxy which had banded together to stand against the Tandus. Marr couldn’t in good conscience turn this man over. He must hide him. It was what Sasch would’ve done.
Harboring the pilot meant risking losing the farm, being thrown in prison and perhaps even executed. But he had no choice. He would shelter and heal the injured man, then help him escape Theon.
Ok who is Sasch (?!) and to me, this doesn’t explain why the peaceful farmer is willing to rescue a rebel when he says not a page before he doesn’t want to get involved in the fight. Not to mention the dire consequences. If things are running better under occupation and he doesn’t want to get involved with the rebels, why is he doing this?
Next is the repeated use of metaphors.
More twigs and branches snapped, releasing their burden like reluctant teeth.
The man slumped into his arms, as limp as a sack of cornmeal.
He crashed through the undergrowth like a marauding animal.
Davan’s sweet little jet darted and struck at the Tandus aircraft like a sparrow attacking a hawk.
For a moment, their gazes locked together like two gears, then Davan blinked and swallowed, and the man removed the cup from his lips.
“Are you my hero?” Davan said. “I seem to remember being carried like a damsel in distress.”
The wide mouth curved and the lines fanning from his eyes deepened. “Yeah. That was me. For a little guy, you’re as heavy as a bag of rocks.”
Already I’m somewhat bothered by the number of them and I start to think of better ways to say it. I don’t normally do this by the way so I’m even more surprised at myself.
Some other minor points:
“The cellar of my barn. This is my farm. My name’s Marr Hingo.” He offered his hand and a dark lock of hair fell over his forehead.
I’m sorry. His name is Marr Hingo. I feel bad harping on this point except it puts me off the romance almost immediately. Marr Hingo? Bad choice.
Then said rebel has been shot down, ejected from his plane, crash landed into trees, dangled from branches, likely broken his ankle enough that “Ground glass pierced Davan’s bones” but yet, a few small sips of medicated liquid and he’s cordial and polite, not to mention flirting.
Davan wanted to reach up and ruffle his hair until it stood up in all directions. He wanted to make this man’s calm eyes go wide. Whatever medication was in the water he’d drunk was kicking in. His pain eased and a floating feeling buoyed him as he shook the farmer’s big, rough hand. “I’m Flight Lieutenant Davan Siedal. I’m sorry for any trouble I’ve caused you and I’ll be out of here as soon as I can hobble.”
Marr smiled. “I’ll be back soon. I’ll even bring you a reader to help you pass the time.”
“Sounds great. It’ll be like a vacation down here.” Davan spoke so cheerily he almost fooled himself, and his tension eased.
Ok perhaps it’s just me that at the end of chapter one, I’m neither interested nor engaged and instead nitpicky at these problems already. I seem to have to remind myself to read the book instead of chatting, playing tetris or staring out the window.
I’m not saying this is a bad book. It could be great. I’ve only read the first chapter so I honestly don’t know if the book is great or horrible. But I ask you – is it me? Are you engaged and intrigued by this beginning? Should I continue?